Self Harm – a coping mechanism or attention seeking?

Self harm is a delicate and highly controversial issue, that affects the majority of the population in some way: either directly, or they have witnessed it, in regards n their friends or family members.

According to different sources, self harm is described as : “the intentional, direct injuring of body tissue without suicidal intent.” Forms of self harm can include the most well-known forms such as cutting, but also varies to burning and scratching, or pulling out hair or biting. This makes it difficult to know if somebody close to you is self harming.

People of all genders, races, ages and social-economic backgrounds may self harm, regardless of whether if they appear extrovert or introvert. However, the most vulnerable groups of people are;

• Young Women/Girls
• Young people aged between 15 and 25 years-old;
• Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer
• Asian Women
• Drug Addicts/Alchoholics
• People With Learning Difficulties

Why do people self harm?
Often, self harm offers people an escape; something else to focus on, so they don’t have to think about whatever else is going on in their lives. Others do it impulsively – they don’t even realise they are doing it – they just switch off and it’s an automatic reaction. It is a destructive way in which people feel they can control something, when they can’t control the rest of their lives.

People who self harm, have sometimes been physically/sexually abused, or are suffering from depression or self confidence issues. Others are suffering with relationship problems with their partners or family and friends, and some because they are having difficulties at work or being unemployed. These issues can cause feelings of isolation, worthlessness and anger, or perhaps the feeling of being powerless. For example, people who have no control over their bodies due to physical/sexual abuse may use self harm as a way to gain control over what happens to their body.

What are the dangers of self harm?
Statistically, someone is 50 times more likely to attempt suicide if they self harm. This is a main worry about people who do self harm, along with the fact that self harming can be very addictive and can prevent positive and effective forms of escapism, such as meditation, walking, or music. Tetanus infection is another high risk factor in self harming. Other worries include the physcial effects on the body, depending on how the person is self harming. They may loose too much blood, causing them to become faint and weak, or scar themselves permenantly – scars they will have to wear for the rest of their lives. In very extreme cases, cutting too deep in certain places can cause paralysis.

Arn’t people who self harm just attention seekers?
Unfortunately, this myth causes many people to hide beneath long sleeve jumpers. Most self harmers don’t tell people, as they fear that many people believe this. It is an ignorant point of view. Don’t you think that is an extreme way to get attention? There are serious underlying causes for the reasons behind self harm, and nobody ever deserves to hear the words “you’re just doing it for the attention.” Nobody would put themselves through the pain of self harm, unless they were desperate. Unless they were really suffering.

So why then is there a link between emo’s and self harming?
This is a myth. And an immature one at that. Emo kids are not more likely to self harm. And self harmers are not more likely to be emo. Emo is simply a label that suggests a certain genre of music and fashion, and stands for “emotional”. Perhaps the reason that it is widely (and wrongly) believed that most people who follow the emo trend are self harmers, is because these people listen to emotional music that encourages self expression, communication and acceptance. So therefore, maybe, they are more likely to share their experiences with their friends and seek support and advice from them. They do not see self harm as a weakness, but rather as a destructive coping mechanism.

I would say I went through an emo stage myself. But that would be a bit far from the truth. I don’t think I’ve stopped my emo phase. My Chemical Romance are still cool, right? .. right?

There are many other ridiculous myths out there, and it is important that people are aware of the facts.

from http://www.nshn.co.uk/

How can I help myself if I am self harming?
If you self harm, then perhaps you have noticed a cycle; a ritual. Think of what this is. Perhaps it’s have an arugment with your family, lock yourself in the bedroom, and cut. You may have already got to the point where this is so instinctive that you hardly realise you’re doing it. The trick is to break this cycle, whatever it is. You may find this difficult, but please, try, try, and try again, until you find a way out of this destructive behaviour. Some idea’s you might like to try;

– putting elastic bands around your wrists, and pulling at them when you feel the urge to cut
– hit pillows or cushions to release anger
– have a cold shower
– call the Samaritans (08457 90 90 90); they are a confidential service who will answer your call, and stay with you until you feel you can cope again. Explain to them you are breaking the cycle of self harm, and that you needed someone to talk to or even just a distraction.
– distract yourself. Listen to music, phone a friend, write a story, get on with some work.

Try not to be too dissapointed if you do relapse into your old habits.  Try to take care of yourself though. Wash your wounds under clean tap water, and use vitamin E or other scar reducing creams on your cuts, and apply dressings. Then try to berak the cycle again.

Read through the websites on the bottom of this blog, and research more tips on how to break the cycle of self harm.

Should you approach a friend/family member if you think they are self harming?
Yes, of course; if you think that is the right thing to do. Remember to do this in a way that is not accusing, as they may recoil and lie to you out of fear. Everyone is different. Sometimes face to face can be more comforting to someone, as you are there to comfort them. However, you will know this friend/family member better than me, and will know if they are the kind of person that it would be easier if you sent them an e-mail, a letter, or MSN message. It may be easier for someone to open up if they don’t have to look you in the eye, as they may feel embaressed or ashamed.

Websites to Help
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/problems/depression/self-harm.aspx
http://helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm
http://www.childrenfirst.nhs.uk/teens/life/features/health_illnesses/self_harm.html

1 in 10 young people will self harm at some point, according to latest statistics.
So why is this subject rarely talked about? It has become a taboo overtime. Often associated with the ’emo’ trend, and very rarely discussed by parents or teachers, people are left to suffer in silence. It doesn’t have to be that way. People who use to self harm, offer support to those you know who still do. They will benefit from your experiences. Share your success story openly with friends and family. If you are a parents of a child who self harms, try to understand them. Talk to them about it. As openly as you can.

Take care.

Charli x

P.S. This was a sad blog. So here is a picture of a cute kitten to make up for it 🙂

Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars.. but what about everyone else?

Latest statistics suggest up to 5% of the population identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual. These terms are used often in every day. But do you know what to be ‘intersex’ means? Would you know what I meant if I referred to myself as a cis-woman? What’s the difference between a transvestite, a transexual or a transgender person? Probably not. Because although TV has blessed us with wonderful programmes like Lip Service and Sugar Rush and films like Brokeback Mountain, we have been left in the dark when it comes to gender. Rocky Horror Picture Show doesn’t count 🙂

1 in 1000 people ‘suffer’ from gender dysphoria. This ‘condition’ varies immensely, but right across the spectrum these people suffer from transphobia.

Perhaps the most misunderstood people are those who are transgender. Transgender people can be pre-op (before surgery) or post-op (after surgery). And most likely will be using their new gender’s pronoun – i.e. he or she. Before they undergo complete surgery, the UK’s requires them to live 3 years as their new gender, at work, home and socially, whilst being on hormone replacement therapy. General ignorance means trans people are often confused with a transvestite; someone who cross dresses either for fetishistic purposes or for fun. This is as opposed to a transexual person who feels they are trapped in the wrong gendered body.

Perhaps the less well known form of gender dysphoria is people who identify as the 3rd gender, or as a two-spirit. Some of these people will be biologically male and female and have both external genitalia. Others may have a chromosomal difference such add XY-females or XX-males. This is called intersexuality; for example, they may have male genitals and find out later in life they have internal ovaries. This is the most socially and scientifically complicated forms of gender dysphoria, as the child or young adult has been raised as a boy or a girl, only to find out they arn’t, and in a society where the gender binary is the norm, they suddenly loose a big part of their identity.

Androgenous is a word often heard, especially on modelling programmes such as ANTM as it’s generally a rare and beautiful quality. Many gender queer people purposely make themselves appear more androgenous: cis males may wear eye liner, while cis females may use a binder to disguise their breasts.

Gender queer people are those who don’t define themselves as male or female. They may present as masculine or feminine on different days, or cross dress at different times. They are very fluid, and often break out of the ‘male’ or ‘female’ boxes on forms. I draw an extra little box sometimes, labelled ‘other’ and tick that. They understand that sex and gender are 2 seperate things and prefer gender neutral pronouns.

I’d say there were 4 main options when it comes to gender neutral pronouns.

1. Zie, zer, hir. I am unsure of which is most appropriate for what situation, so this is perhaps something for you to look up if you’re interested. They are difficult to integrate into the English language as they are German words and if somebody wants you to use these, they will probably let you know.

2. Spavik. This is great, as it’s subtle, but it does sometimes make people think you are just speaking common. Instead of ‘she’ it becomes ‘e’, instead of ‘his’ it becomes ‘is’. Good concept, hasn’t really caught on.
3.  If you meet someone who you are unsure what pronoun they use, just say  ‘person’ or ‘they’ or use their name.

4. Just ask! Say something like ‘I’m sorry to ask, but i don’t want to be rude, what pronoun to you use?” This considered polite 🙂

So why is there so much transphobia? Most of it is ignorance, weakness, fear.. and maybe even jelousy. But this doesn’t have to be the way. Think of your sex – are you bio male or female or gential ambiguous? Think how much society have forced you as a girl to have long hair and wear dresses and like pink, and as a boy you have been forced to like monster trucks and guns and you don’t cry because you’re a boy. Is this even who you are? Or is it because from the day you were born, you were you pushed into this, and you learnt you can’t wear dresses because you’re a boy and you can’t shave your hair because you’re a girl.

So what? Who gives a fuck? Be as you are. Try not to conform to society just for the hell of it.  Let yourself buy clothes and not care if the are ‘girls’ or ‘boys’ – just buy what you like!

If you have any questions, or if you agree or disagree with me about something I’ve discussed, or if you have more infomation or want to share your experience, please please do leave a comment and I’ll always reply.

Rant over 🙂
Charli xx