Jesus Had 2 Dads and He Turned Out Just Fine

One of the most largely debated subjects in the world, especially by the LGBT community and the religious community, is the issue of gay parents.

When I was young and Cindy married Barbie (much to the dismay of Ken who was mostly either dressed as a macho vicar or discarded to one side), Polly Pocket became their daughter.

This dream was shot down pretty quick as I was told ‘Darling, two girls can’t have children’. I actually recall this being said by a dumpy primary school teacher and I wish that my young self had realised she was wrong. At that age, unfortunately, you believe everything a teacher says.  They also told me Pluto was a planet, which turned out to be bull shit aswell.

The truth is, there are many ways Barbie and Cindy could have Polly Pocket. They could have bought Ken into the picture and gone for the good old turkey baster method. They could adopt. And similar options are avaliable to gay men: egg donation and surrogate mothers, adoption.

Of course, I was never told this as a child, and I don’t understand why that when you’re mentioning the birds and the bee’s, you can’t include the queens and the banchees.

Why does the general population seem so anti gay parenting? If they’re not bringing in the ‘its against god’ argument then its the ‘its unnatural’ argument or the ‘as long as the child has a role model of their own sex in the life’. Not stoning menstruating women is against God, polyester isn’t natural, and nobody says its ok for a widowed mother to keep her child providing they have a role model of the same sex!

There is not one true argument against homosexual parenting.
So why are people so scared about the prospect of gay parenting?

I have narrowed this down to a couple of possibilities.

1. Outright homophobia. People who believe gay people do not have human rights.

2. Downright Stupidity.
People who are under the illusion that same sex parents are somehow worse parents, despite a recent study showing that the children of lesbian couples, on average, are happier and do better at school.
3. Traditionalists.
People who want to preserve the ‘traditional family’, despite the world changing every day into something bigger and better.

So. In conclusion, I believe there is no foundation to believe there is anything wrong with same sex parenting.

Comment, subscribe, and let me know your views.

C x

Beauty and Body Modification

When somebody says ‘beauty’ what do you think? Do you think blonde hair, blue eyes, slim build? Probably something along that lines. When I say ‘body modification’ your thoughts probably turn to extremist punk styles, tattoo’s, tongue splitting. But why is this viewed as unacceptable in Western society? Is body modification a form of beauty and self expression or is it mindless self mutilation of what once was beautiful?

I’ve compiled some photos and some opinions, and I hope that you enjoy posting commentsand thinking about this topic some more for yourself.

So what counts as body modification? According to the internet, body modification is

“…the deliberate altering of the human body for non-medical reasons, such as sexual enhancement, a rite of passage, aesthetic reasons, denoting affiliation, trust and loyalty, religious reasons, shock value, and self-expression.. .”

So it isn’t just tattoos and piercings as you might think. It is also dying your hair, wearing make up, having boob implants.  So why are these forms of body modification viewed as more acceptable than tongue splitting, ear stretching or tattoos?

Take Stormy Daniels, for example.

She is gorgeous to the Western eyes. I just don’t understand why. She’s had silicone breast implants, dyes her hair, wears fake nails, has her teeth whitened – and swamps her face with make up. And yet society view this as completely acceptable.

Fundementally, these changes to her body are superficial changes to make herself look more appealing. The media has caused society to believe that a girl like this is the perfect women. Despite what she does to her body, she rarely gets critisiced and is worshipped and adored in the porn industry.

However, a beautiful girl such as this, faces a lot of harrasment because of the way she looks. She could never have a ‘respectable’ job with the tattoo on her face and the facial piercings. But why? Why is this any different to the accepted forms of body modification?

I understand, of course, it may feel unhygienic for your surgeon to have facial piercings, but she could take them out? Why are tattoo’s still viewed as threatening, or a form of rebellion? It doesn’t matter much metal or ink you have, you are still the same person than if you had the appearance of Stormy Daniels.

Girls like this are as beautiful as the girl above, but with an exception. Their body modifications are about self expression. Words and pictures drawn in ink on their body, to express emotions and memories, is far more profound than getting bigger boobs.

Extreme Body Modification

As with everything, there are extreme versions of body modification. Now this is the good bit 🙂 These are my top 5 creative body modifications. And if I wasn’t a bit of a pansy, and I didn’t want to go to med school, I’d have most of these done. Sorry Mum. But I would 🙂

1. Implants

Subdermal

Often used with tattoo’s to create an artistic effects, subdermal implants are silicone shapes placed under the skin, by making a small incision and pushing it through.

It is also possible to create ‘tunnels’ – so an implant in the forehead can be placed there via an incision behind the ear, then pushed in place

Transdermal/Microdermal

Placed between layers of skin, allowing for part of the jewellery to pertrude out of the skin, a transdermal (also known as microdermal) piercing, is carried out through a process known as ‘dermal punching’. The metal itself, normally titanium, is L-shaped, with the smaller part on the outside, and the longer part lying just beneath the skins surface. This part has holes in, which allows it to fuse with the body.

Tongue Splitting

It’s largely believed that this form of body modification was popularised by the ‘Lizard Man’ – Erik Sprague (thelizardman.com). Although many people carry out this at home, it is recommended that only a licensed plastic or oral surgeon; however, many body modification practitioners also carry this out.

The popular techniques used to carry this out, are cutting with a scapel, cauterizing or tying off. In any case, most people choose to have a well healed tongue piercing to mark the finish of the cut, and to prevent the tongue healing from back to front, which may result in a cut too deep.

Corset Piercings

Carried out only with a gun, corset piercings are multiple surface piercings on a persons back; either the full length, or just the lower back. More rarely, corset piercings can also be found on other parts of the body, such as the front of the neck.

Normally, ribbon is then threaded through the hooped jewellery on occassions, but sometimes thin chain is substituted.

Eyeball Jewellery – Extraocular Piercing

This is probably the rarest form of body modification, and I’m assuming it’s one of the most painful/uncomfortable (along with scarification). However, it can be done legally in the Netherlands, under local anestetic.

It seems a rather simple procedure, involving the embedding of a platinum alloy about 3mm across, into the eye (not on it’s surface – actually imbedded in.)

Magnetic Implants

This is without a doubt the most amazing body modification, I think. A 45 gauss magnetic is inserted just beneath the skin, after numbing the area in ice.

What makes this implant so different to the others, is the skill it gives you. Everyone who has had these implants can feel the magnet vibrate; they can tell you if machinary is working correctly, can detect where a metal item is in a concealed box and even tell you changes in the earths magnetic field. Awesome 🙂 That, an you can pick up paper clips wih them.

Obviously, the main trouble with these is how permenant they are. This means having an MRI, if you were unconciosu at the time, then it would rip from your skin and stick to the inside of the MRI machine. This sucks a bit. But, y’know, picking up paper clips would be cool ^.^

The question I’m going to put to you, is this; Will we always live in a world where society accepts people who inject toxins in their face, but rejects less common forms of body modification? Or will times change.  And I guess the point I’m trying to make is that body modification shouldn’t be seen as a tabboo. Everybody’s bodies are different and they should be allowed to treat it as they wish, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone. Within the boundaries of the health and saftey of the general unbodymodified (!?) public, all of this is beautiful in its own way.

C x

Self Harm – a coping mechanism or attention seeking?

Self harm is a delicate and highly controversial issue, that affects the majority of the population in some way: either directly, or they have witnessed it, in regards n their friends or family members.

According to different sources, self harm is described as : “the intentional, direct injuring of body tissue without suicidal intent.” Forms of self harm can include the most well-known forms such as cutting, but also varies to burning and scratching, or pulling out hair or biting. This makes it difficult to know if somebody close to you is self harming.

People of all genders, races, ages and social-economic backgrounds may self harm, regardless of whether if they appear extrovert or introvert. However, the most vulnerable groups of people are;

• Young Women/Girls
• Young people aged between 15 and 25 years-old;
• Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer
• Asian Women
• Drug Addicts/Alchoholics
• People With Learning Difficulties

Why do people self harm?
Often, self harm offers people an escape; something else to focus on, so they don’t have to think about whatever else is going on in their lives. Others do it impulsively – they don’t even realise they are doing it – they just switch off and it’s an automatic reaction. It is a destructive way in which people feel they can control something, when they can’t control the rest of their lives.

People who self harm, have sometimes been physically/sexually abused, or are suffering from depression or self confidence issues. Others are suffering with relationship problems with their partners or family and friends, and some because they are having difficulties at work or being unemployed. These issues can cause feelings of isolation, worthlessness and anger, or perhaps the feeling of being powerless. For example, people who have no control over their bodies due to physical/sexual abuse may use self harm as a way to gain control over what happens to their body.

What are the dangers of self harm?
Statistically, someone is 50 times more likely to attempt suicide if they self harm. This is a main worry about people who do self harm, along with the fact that self harming can be very addictive and can prevent positive and effective forms of escapism, such as meditation, walking, or music. Tetanus infection is another high risk factor in self harming. Other worries include the physcial effects on the body, depending on how the person is self harming. They may loose too much blood, causing them to become faint and weak, or scar themselves permenantly – scars they will have to wear for the rest of their lives. In very extreme cases, cutting too deep in certain places can cause paralysis.

Arn’t people who self harm just attention seekers?
Unfortunately, this myth causes many people to hide beneath long sleeve jumpers. Most self harmers don’t tell people, as they fear that many people believe this. It is an ignorant point of view. Don’t you think that is an extreme way to get attention? There are serious underlying causes for the reasons behind self harm, and nobody ever deserves to hear the words “you’re just doing it for the attention.” Nobody would put themselves through the pain of self harm, unless they were desperate. Unless they were really suffering.

So why then is there a link between emo’s and self harming?
This is a myth. And an immature one at that. Emo kids are not more likely to self harm. And self harmers are not more likely to be emo. Emo is simply a label that suggests a certain genre of music and fashion, and stands for “emotional”. Perhaps the reason that it is widely (and wrongly) believed that most people who follow the emo trend are self harmers, is because these people listen to emotional music that encourages self expression, communication and acceptance. So therefore, maybe, they are more likely to share their experiences with their friends and seek support and advice from them. They do not see self harm as a weakness, but rather as a destructive coping mechanism.

I would say I went through an emo stage myself. But that would be a bit far from the truth. I don’t think I’ve stopped my emo phase. My Chemical Romance are still cool, right? .. right?

There are many other ridiculous myths out there, and it is important that people are aware of the facts.

from http://www.nshn.co.uk/

How can I help myself if I am self harming?
If you self harm, then perhaps you have noticed a cycle; a ritual. Think of what this is. Perhaps it’s have an arugment with your family, lock yourself in the bedroom, and cut. You may have already got to the point where this is so instinctive that you hardly realise you’re doing it. The trick is to break this cycle, whatever it is. You may find this difficult, but please, try, try, and try again, until you find a way out of this destructive behaviour. Some idea’s you might like to try;

– putting elastic bands around your wrists, and pulling at them when you feel the urge to cut
– hit pillows or cushions to release anger
– have a cold shower
– call the Samaritans (08457 90 90 90); they are a confidential service who will answer your call, and stay with you until you feel you can cope again. Explain to them you are breaking the cycle of self harm, and that you needed someone to talk to or even just a distraction.
– distract yourself. Listen to music, phone a friend, write a story, get on with some work.

Try not to be too dissapointed if you do relapse into your old habits.  Try to take care of yourself though. Wash your wounds under clean tap water, and use vitamin E or other scar reducing creams on your cuts, and apply dressings. Then try to berak the cycle again.

Read through the websites on the bottom of this blog, and research more tips on how to break the cycle of self harm.

Should you approach a friend/family member if you think they are self harming?
Yes, of course; if you think that is the right thing to do. Remember to do this in a way that is not accusing, as they may recoil and lie to you out of fear. Everyone is different. Sometimes face to face can be more comforting to someone, as you are there to comfort them. However, you will know this friend/family member better than me, and will know if they are the kind of person that it would be easier if you sent them an e-mail, a letter, or MSN message. It may be easier for someone to open up if they don’t have to look you in the eye, as they may feel embaressed or ashamed.

Websites to Help
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/problems/depression/self-harm.aspx
http://helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm
http://www.childrenfirst.nhs.uk/teens/life/features/health_illnesses/self_harm.html

1 in 10 young people will self harm at some point, according to latest statistics.
So why is this subject rarely talked about? It has become a taboo overtime. Often associated with the ’emo’ trend, and very rarely discussed by parents or teachers, people are left to suffer in silence. It doesn’t have to be that way. People who use to self harm, offer support to those you know who still do. They will benefit from your experiences. Share your success story openly with friends and family. If you are a parents of a child who self harms, try to understand them. Talk to them about it. As openly as you can.

Take care.

Charli x

P.S. This was a sad blog. So here is a picture of a cute kitten to make up for it 🙂

Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars.. but what about everyone else?

Latest statistics suggest up to 5% of the population identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual. These terms are used often in every day. But do you know what to be ‘intersex’ means? Would you know what I meant if I referred to myself as a cis-woman? What’s the difference between a transvestite, a transexual or a transgender person? Probably not. Because although TV has blessed us with wonderful programmes like Lip Service and Sugar Rush and films like Brokeback Mountain, we have been left in the dark when it comes to gender. Rocky Horror Picture Show doesn’t count 🙂

1 in 1000 people ‘suffer’ from gender dysphoria. This ‘condition’ varies immensely, but right across the spectrum these people suffer from transphobia.

Perhaps the most misunderstood people are those who are transgender. Transgender people can be pre-op (before surgery) or post-op (after surgery). And most likely will be using their new gender’s pronoun – i.e. he or she. Before they undergo complete surgery, the UK’s requires them to live 3 years as their new gender, at work, home and socially, whilst being on hormone replacement therapy. General ignorance means trans people are often confused with a transvestite; someone who cross dresses either for fetishistic purposes or for fun. This is as opposed to a transexual person who feels they are trapped in the wrong gendered body.

Perhaps the less well known form of gender dysphoria is people who identify as the 3rd gender, or as a two-spirit. Some of these people will be biologically male and female and have both external genitalia. Others may have a chromosomal difference such add XY-females or XX-males. This is called intersexuality; for example, they may have male genitals and find out later in life they have internal ovaries. This is the most socially and scientifically complicated forms of gender dysphoria, as the child or young adult has been raised as a boy or a girl, only to find out they arn’t, and in a society where the gender binary is the norm, they suddenly loose a big part of their identity.

Androgenous is a word often heard, especially on modelling programmes such as ANTM as it’s generally a rare and beautiful quality. Many gender queer people purposely make themselves appear more androgenous: cis males may wear eye liner, while cis females may use a binder to disguise their breasts.

Gender queer people are those who don’t define themselves as male or female. They may present as masculine or feminine on different days, or cross dress at different times. They are very fluid, and often break out of the ‘male’ or ‘female’ boxes on forms. I draw an extra little box sometimes, labelled ‘other’ and tick that. They understand that sex and gender are 2 seperate things and prefer gender neutral pronouns.

I’d say there were 4 main options when it comes to gender neutral pronouns.

1. Zie, zer, hir. I am unsure of which is most appropriate for what situation, so this is perhaps something for you to look up if you’re interested. They are difficult to integrate into the English language as they are German words and if somebody wants you to use these, they will probably let you know.

2. Spavik. This is great, as it’s subtle, but it does sometimes make people think you are just speaking common. Instead of ‘she’ it becomes ‘e’, instead of ‘his’ it becomes ‘is’. Good concept, hasn’t really caught on.
3.  If you meet someone who you are unsure what pronoun they use, just say  ‘person’ or ‘they’ or use their name.

4. Just ask! Say something like ‘I’m sorry to ask, but i don’t want to be rude, what pronoun to you use?” This considered polite 🙂

So why is there so much transphobia? Most of it is ignorance, weakness, fear.. and maybe even jelousy. But this doesn’t have to be the way. Think of your sex – are you bio male or female or gential ambiguous? Think how much society have forced you as a girl to have long hair and wear dresses and like pink, and as a boy you have been forced to like monster trucks and guns and you don’t cry because you’re a boy. Is this even who you are? Or is it because from the day you were born, you were you pushed into this, and you learnt you can’t wear dresses because you’re a boy and you can’t shave your hair because you’re a girl.

So what? Who gives a fuck? Be as you are. Try not to conform to society just for the hell of it.  Let yourself buy clothes and not care if the are ‘girls’ or ‘boys’ – just buy what you like!

If you have any questions, or if you agree or disagree with me about something I’ve discussed, or if you have more infomation or want to share your experience, please please do leave a comment and I’ll always reply.

Rant over 🙂
Charli xx

Hello world!

Although this is not my first blog, I can’t help but to be slightly hesitant, as I’m one of those people who start a project with good intent, only to fail days later. Or in some cases, moments later.. But I am back, with renewed enthusiam, and as I sit (well, stand..) on a southeastern train I can smell optimism. That is, if optimism smells like pringles, moth balls and boredom. I want my blog to open peoples eyes to new opinions, I want to challenge you and be challenged, and more than anything I want to spark debate – both publicly and in your brain box 🙂

So let me tell you about myself. I am Charli; a self proclaimed hypocrite and non-practising lesbian and thesbian.

And, may you be prewarned, I am a condradictory of terms and my opinions are very fluid. This gets me into trouble as people don’t understand, that I am not simply contridicting myself – I am, instead, remaining always open minded and may change my views with more information or as times change. But I am not, and refuse to ever be, set in my ways just for the sake of a saftey blanket and having something to argue with people about. So you see how this creates confusion about whether I am pro choice or pro life, or if I support labour or lib dem.

I guess I am a lover of variety. What’s life, without variety? I shave my hair short and wear lolita dresses. In terms of gender, I am something along the lines of a straight gay boy girl. But that varies too.

More than anything, I am a lover of surprises. Not those kind of surprises at Christmas when what appears to be a card with the baby Jesus on, turns out to be a cheque. Although I don’t dislike those kind of surprises, I am referring to those everyday surprises. When someone who appears stupid, says something smart, when somebody ignorant says something profound. When a child says something adult, or when someone who appeared otherwise uncultured expresses his love for Les Miserables. You get the gist, yea? Nothing brings me such joy as this. And it’s more common than you’d expect. You just have to learn to notice such beauties in an otherwise ugly world.

Now I have moved out of the inbreed cess pool of Thanet that I will always know and love, I have a new job, a new place, and new friends. Although none of this will ever ever replace my old job, my old home and my old friends, this new life will nestle itself a new place in my heart and I will be content.

And with a dead leg (I migrated to the floor of the train throughout writing this blog) I say,
stay safe and keep in touch 🙂

C x